Funny Stories or Jokes

[iluvtv]

I saw this on another site and remembered that I had gotten it in an email, too. I thought it was cute and funny. Feel free to add your own funnies that we might enjoy, as well.

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95, 000.


He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. He thought she had only been angry with him twice in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's what I made from selling the dolls."

 

[MacGyver]

I have a funny one to share. I hope you all enjoy it.

Women Shopping

A Husband Shopping Center has opened in Atlanta, where a woman can go to choose from among many men to be her husband.
It is laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascend. There is, however, a catch.

You're only allowed in once. Once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor. If you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door says:
Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman reads the sign. "Well, that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.

The second floor sign says:
Floor 2: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good-looking. "Hmmm, better," says the woman. "But I wonder what's further up?"

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have high -paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework. "Wow," says the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there's more further up!"
And so again, she goes up.

On the fourth floor the sign reads:
Floor 4: These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me." (That's how women talk in Georgia) "But just think...what must be awaiting me further up?"

So up to the fifth floor she goes.
The sign on the door says:
Floor 5:
This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping.

 

[iluvtv]

Here's a couple of short but cute ones;

A little boy went up to his father and asked; "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

***********************************************************

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

 

[Thomas G]

Here's a couple of short but cute ones;

A little boy went up to his father and asked; "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

***********************************************************

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

LOL, I should send this one to my exwife.

I got this one in an email the other day...

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."